Toilet Paper Crisis: The Winners, The Losers, The Scumbags, The Facts

The Coronavirus has turned consumers into end of the world advocates by proxy. Opportunists are pouring out of the woodwork whilst the world sees how dumb humans really are.

Walk into any supermarket and you will find the fresh food isles still abundant with food but the isles housing dry foods, canned foods and personal hygiene goods namely toilet paper and tissues eerily empty of goods.

So while the sane people lament on the idiocy of these selfish foolish people stashing foods and loo paper just in case they are trapped like caged animal in their home some people (albeit smart people) are cashing in on this crisis, others are using it to their marketing advantage and the rest are just lamenting on how they should have queued, fought and screamed for that last packet of rice or toilet paper.

The Winners

Here is a list in order of merit of those companies/businesses that will be big winners from the Coronavirus toilet paper\non perishable food crisis:

1. Toilet Paper, tissue and hand towel manufacturers
2. Supermarkets
3. Media of all forms: whilst this is occurring these outlets will get more advertising and revenue
4. Plumbers, yes that is right plumbers. Why? Because there will be idiots that will use paper towels in lieu of toilet paper. This will likely block up sewage pipes, if not immediately but over a period of time. Paper towels are not designed to be flushed down toilets.
5. Plumbers, again I note because if this so-called crisis continues those who have the money and space may just look at getting a bidet.
6. Storage companies. As the crazy selfish small-minded people keep buying up non-perishable goods and toilet paper they will start looking toward storage companies to make room in their home. With many thousands of people in apartments, this is a real option.
7. The smart people who have realised there is not a food crisis or a toilet paper crisis and know that supermarkets are not the only places that sell toilet paper and non-perishable food items will be ongoing winners.
8. Finally, we need to mention the selfish dooms dayers who are stocking up and buying all the toilet paper and non-perishable goods. Yes, they are winners in the worst possible way as while we all struggle to wipe our nether regions they will be stroking their stores of toilet paper/paper products, rice, pasta, canned goods and disinfectants of varying kinds.

The Losers

1. The elderly and disadvantaged simply because there will not be the supplies they require available causing them anxiety and stress.
2. The selfish idiots who have hired storage units to stash their overwhelming supply of toilet paper and goodies when they find that they have more than they will use any time soon and have to dip into their pocket to pay for storage every month well after this “crisis” has passed
3. The Australian people as a whole are losers. Think about it. These small-minded gullible sheep who masquerade as humans are stashing toilet paper and non-perishibles and they vote!
   OMG, this is the scariest of all. What is to become of the Australia of the future?

The Scumbags

1. Selfish thieves who steal toilet paper from work and public places.
2. The crazies who have stocked up on supplies to sell online at prices 3+ times the normal retail price. Yes, people are purchasing at these prices because they don’t know any better.
3. The media, yes they are the drivers of this hysteria. As always the media has an agenda to make money and the toilet paper dry goods crisis is giving them perfect fodder. Instead of focusing more on the Coronavirus and what it is they place the lack of goods in supermarkets at the top of their news cycle.
   This means that the gullible people in our societies who believe the media is the god of all things just go crazy with fear thus feeding the media more.

The Facts

The ultimate reason all this consumerism craziness is occurring is due to the Coronavirus. You know that of course, if you don’t you really are living under a rock.

We need to stop and pause a moment, understand what is really going on and how we do not need to panic, take on a sheep mentality or believe all that we read in the mass media.

More people will die from the common flu than the Coronavirus of which has a 2% death rate mostly in elderly and already ill people.

More people will die this week from cancer, heart disease, diabetes, suicide or mosquitoes.